Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
