the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
