Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize