i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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