I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
