I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
