She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
