Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
