Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
