so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
