i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
