This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
