I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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