THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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