get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
