I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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