Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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