somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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