Midget sex pt 2 tonight
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
