My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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