Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
