if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
