wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
