I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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