yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
