I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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