Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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