Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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