I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
