The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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