i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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