i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
