dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
