i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
