Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
