Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
