I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Enjoy the penises
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize