I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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