I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
