i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
