uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
