if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize