I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
