How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
