omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
