If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize