i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I AM VODKA MAN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
