ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize