dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
