I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
