I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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