I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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