Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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