the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
