Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
