She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
