I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
