love makes seman taste better
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
