When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
