she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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