Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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