we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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