Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
