Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
