I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize