By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize