I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
