I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
