I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
