i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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