She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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